Waiting For The Light
by katbybee
Summary: When each is suddenly deprived of one of their major senses, how do the two partners deal with it, and with each other? What if doctors are wrong, and it is permanent? How will their shift-mates and family handle it? R/R Don't Own; No Cash; Just playin' in the sandbox...my muse is havin' fun and I've given up trying to control her! Hugs
1. FreeFall

Sound. Overwhelming, annoying buzzing, aggravating, sound. Like a million crickets buzzing in his head.* He was lost in the damned sound. He couldn't stop it. Perhaps most frightening, he could hear absolutely nothing else.

With a jerk, his eyes came wide open, and all the monitors attached to the various portions of his anatomy began screaming for attention. A night nurse he didn't know flew into the room and began fussing with the monitors and making appropriate comforting motions at him to try to calm him. She also spoke to him, but he didn't hear a thing she said. He couldn't. And that's when Roy DeSoto panicked. The nurse, her eyes wide, fled from the room.

Roy fervently someone would come to wake him from this nightmare. He instinctively looked to the visitor's chair next to his bed, where normally he would find the lanky form of his partner sacked out; or his wife JoAnne. The chair was empty.

Next, his eyes sought out the other bed in the room. It was mostly dark in the room, but as it was never completely dark in any hospital, he could make out enough details to realize it was his partner in the other bed. He was apparently not asleep. He was sitting up in the bed. And dear God, what had happened? For Johnny's eyes were heavily bandaged. He was also monitored to the hilt. Parts of his head were covered with ominous looking bandages. And Roy could not ask him any questions, because he couldn't hear the answers!

Overwhelmed, frightened moans escaped from the older paramedic, and both Dr. Early, who had just answered the summons to the room, and Johnny reacted. Johnny, despite his blindness, reached his partner first. Several monitors were pushed out of the way, and his IV was willingly compromised as he yanked it out. Within moments, he had found his friend on the floor of the room, shaking uncontrollably. Roy wasn't talking, and Johnny couldn't see what was wrong; but it didn't matter. The moans subsided as Johnny rocked the older man in his arms, simply comforting him as he always had.

Johnny had had plenty of time to begin to adjust to his situation. He knew the blindness was most likely temporary. If not, he would deal with it, but he wasn't going to think about it till he had to. There was still nothing, no light or shadows when they changed the bandages. He had remembered the call that had put him and Roy here. The arson fire. The desperate run for safety. The explosion. Then...nothing. Waking up nearly two weeks later…blind.

And being told Roy might not wake up at all. Talking them into moving Roy in with him. Listening for any change in Roy's vitals. Practically forcing JoAnne to go home. Waiting…just…waiting. His world had centered around waiting for his life to return to him…his partner, and the light. He had secretly developed the theory that they were somehow one and the same thing.

Johnny gently helped Dr. Early get the distraught Roy back up into his bed. The doctor ordered Roy something to ease his anxiety and help him to sleep. After assuring the dark-haired young man that his partner was truly out of his long coma, Dr. Early shooed Johnny back into bed and had the nurse re-establish his IV and monitors.

The doctor examined Roy more thoroughly now that he was awake. It didn't take him long to discover what the problem was, and the new was not good. He had Dixie call JoAnne back to the hospital, and he called in orders for more x-rays. If what he suspected was true, then Roy would need surgery. He refrained from saying anything to anyone until he was sure; but after seeing the x-rays, he knew. Roy was suffering from an injury not to his brain, but his to his auditory system—his hearing itself. There was a possibility of repair, but the auditory system was very tricky, and was not his specialty.

From what he could tell, there was a lot of swelling, which would have to heal, before the surgery could take place. The other issue was that there were only two or three surgeons in the world capable of handling the very delicate and—very expensive—surgery. None of them were based in California. And likely, Roy would have to travel to them to have the surgery, when he was ready. And his ears would not be ready anywhere near as fast as Roy was going to want.

Joe Early was not by nature a fatalistic or a bitter man, but for a moment, he wallowed in the sensation. In one fell swoop, the actions of one selfish criminal had taken out, possibly permanently, the best paramedic team the state, maybe the country, had ever seen. And Joe was angry. As angry as he had ever been.

51

 _One Month Later_

Once it had been established that John's blindness was healing and was, simply a matter of an unknown period of time, and that Roy's hearing was repairable, once the swelling went down; but that it would take at least 6-8 months or more for that to happen. After a few weeks in the step-ward, and in Rehab, the men were nearly set to be released. They were put on temporary medical leaves. Their jobs would be waiting when they returned, although they would have to re-qualify as paramedics. Because they were injured on the job, they continued to receive their full paychecks and medical benefits—a particular relief for both men.

The method in which they communicated with each other amazed others who did not know them well. In short order, both men and Roy's family had picked up American Sign Language, which had learned through the hospital, as well as using pad and pen for those who didn't sign. For John, signing with Roy was a necessity, since writing notes was out. His vision was healing, but he wasn't much beyond the light and shadows stage yet.

Roy would sign into Johnny's open palm when he couldn't quite make him understand what it was he was trying to say. Vocal speech was hard for Roy, because although his vocal chords weren't damaged, he couldn't hear his own voice, and he found the experience disorienting. Sensing this, it was Johnny who encouraged Roy to sign exclusively, if that was what made him comfortable. Of course, it was Johnny's twisted sense of humor that created a few brand new signs that no one but he and Roy got, and never failed to make the blond bust up laughing…and blush, as well!

51

Two Weeks Later

A huge decision was faced by the doctors and by the DeSotos. Both Roy and Johnny were ready to come home. But was home ready for them? This time, with JoAnne facing caring for Roy on such a completely different scale than ever before, and facing the possibility of having to travel out of state—or even out of the country for his eventual surgery; Joanne was torn. She loved Johnny like her own brother. She just wasn't sure she was capable of taking care of him the way he needed. And that's when an angel stepped up to the plate; in the form of Mike Stoker. He called JoAnne a couple of nights before the proposed release date, and his words were like a balm to her troubled heart:

"Beth and I talked about it. The boys are old enough now. They're in school. We can help out with Johnny, bring him home with us. I already know sign language. I have a deaf cousin, and we grew up together. It's no big deal. Johnny's spent time at our place before. Jo, you guys are not the only ones who love him. Let us help."

"Oh, Mike," JoAnne was nearly in tears. "I'll talk to the guys, but yes, I think that would be perfect! As long as you promise to bring Johnny over to visit. Otherwise, I'll have to put up with a major grouch for a husband!"

Mike laughed. "As long as you promise to throw in a lasagna dinner, you've got a deal!"

E!

TBC

A/N * This story is being prompted by a severe attack of tinnitus. At the moment, it is not quite as bad as it was yesterday. I have it to some to degree all the time, as I have a 60% hearing loss in each ear. I am waiting on hearing aids that are supposed to help with both hearing and tinnitus. But it could be a while. Anyway, when my "mad mosquitoes" as I call them really go crazy, I can barely function. That was yesterday. But today, my muse took a side trip to shed some light on a situation I know many others out there suffer from as well. There will be a couple more chapters to this one…updates as I can…Hugs.


	2. Shadows and Silence: Coping

Shadows and Silence: Coping

Settling into a new routine at the Stoker's house was difficult for Johnny. He was seeing more light and shadows now, but not enough to make out more than vague outlines. He could tell if someone was moving around near him, but that was about it. It would have been simpler at Roy's house, which he knew like the back of his hand. At Mike's house, which he had been to only a few times before; everything was a challenge, because he was learning a whole new lay out. Music was his one retreat. They had brought his stereo system and his guitar from his apartment, and he spent a lot of time in his room with both of them.

The highlight of his week was "Girl's Night Out," when Mike and Beth would hire a sitter for their kids, as would Roy and Jo, and they would get together so the partners could spend time together. The two women generally left and headed out shopping or to a movie claiming there was _way_ too much testosterone flowing through the house for their taste. The guys would generally just catch up and chat, Mike signing for Roy, and translating for Johnny when needed, unless Roy wanted to sign to John himself, which happened when they wanted to have a private conversation. The easy camaraderie between the two was not lost, even though their situation had drastically altered.

About once a month, or whenever the other members of A-Shift could all manage the same day off, all of the families got together for a barbeque or a meal, just to keep up with each other, and let their paramedics know how much they were missed. Included in the group were the two replacement paramedics. Interestingly, the luck of the draw had landed them Tony Freeman, Johnny's old partner from 10's, whose own partner was also out on temporary leave due to an injury. The other young man was a new paramedic named Macon Farrell. He seemed competent, if very quiet. His shift-mates joked he could give Mike Stoker a run for his money in the "silent" department, any day of the week. He was quick and impressive, according to Tony. Cap seemed satisfied with the two, although he wouldn't be truly happy until his original A-Shift family was back together.

Mike had spent some of his off-time going over and picking Roy up and bringing him back to his place to spend a few hours with Johnny. This was why he knew his knowledge of sign language would come in handy. He wanted to give them a bit more time together, but more importantly, he knew JoAnne would need the break. He remembered his aunt dealing with his cousin, and it wasn't always easy. Jo's situation wasn't easy either; especially in light of the fact that Jo had two growing children, plus all the medical and insurance stuff; let alone the specter of the uncertainty of Roy's future to deal with.

For Roy, coping meant trying very hard not to go insane. The specialist had assured him the operation would restore his hearing, but the surgery was still months away. No one could tell either him or Johnny how long all this was going to take, and that was what was driving him crazy. _He hated being off of work. He hated being a burden to Jo and to everyone else. He hated not being able to hear Chris and Jennifer's laughter. He hated not having Johnny right by his side. He hated feeling like half a man. Oh, yeah, and he hated the arsonist who had put them in this position. That was an awful lot of hate for a man who most people saw as calm and cool. A man who people—used to—come to with their problems. Even Mike used to talk to him sometimes. Now? Now nobody really talked to him. Signing just wasn't the same thing._ He stopped his internal ranting for a moment. He had to smile. _Except for Johnny. Johnny still talked to him the same exact way he always had. Who knew you could cuss in sign language? Or tell jokes like that? He had even made up some new words. Even with all he was going through, around Roy, Johnny was still…Johnny._ For the first time in a long time, Roy relaxed into his recliner, and fell into a deep sleep, untroubled by nightmares.

Joanne came into the living room, intending to catch up on her housework. She smiled when she saw Roy gently snoring in his recliner. She went back into the slightly cluttered kitchen and made herself a cup of hot tea instead. When it was ready, she carried it into living room, sat down in her favorite chair, and simply watched him sleep. His face was relaxed and untroubled for once. For that she was intensely grateful. She had loved this man with all her heart practically from the day they met so many years ago; way back in grade school. She would stand by him no matter what, but it hurt her to see him hurting. She knew he was harboring a lot of anger over the situation. It was locked up behind his beautiful eyes; and for once, she couldn't help him. And so JoAnne DeSoto did the one thing she had done every time she sent her husband off to work or her children off to school. She prayed.

TBC

A/N: Although these notes will appear at the end of the story, I am writing them before I begin writing Chapter Two. I need to explain why it has taken me so long to update this story. I have attempted recently to not let negative reviews bother me so much, but one left by a guest on this story cut me to the quick, and the accusations of plagiarism made in it hurt me greatly; especially after I had previously explained that my own hearing loss was the inspiration for this story. I have left it in place, so that those of you who care to can decide the issue for yourselves. I have deaf relatives myself as well. My hearing loss is genetic. I had to deeply search my soul to even decide whether to continue with this story at all. It was the positive reviews and support from fans, friends and family I received that finally made my decision for me. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. And to my accuser, I pray no one hurts you in the same manner you hurt me. God be with you. Kat


	3. Progress at Last

Chapter Three—Progress at Last

It took a good two minutes for it to register. When it did, Johnny practically fell out of bed with excitement. Mike, on his day off, was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying the morning peace. He sprayed good coffee and bad language* all over the kitchen at Johnny's shout. He ran to John's room, and found him sitting on the side of his bed, simply staring at his hands, his eyes wide.

"Johnny, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, man! I can't see them very clearly, but I can sure see them a helluva lot better than I could last night! I can even tell you're wearing that ugly green shirt Beth hates!"

Automatically, Mike defended his ragged shirt. "I love this t-shirt. I've had it since college and—" Suddenly it hit him what Johnny was saying "Ohmigod, Johnny, are you kidding me?! You can see my shirt? That's great! Wait till Beth hears! She took the kids to school, but she'll be back in a little while." He was practically jumping up and down with excitement, and the sight, what he could see of him, made John laugh. The normally stoic engineer was acting like a little kid at Christmas.

It took no time at all for the good news to travel through the 51-A grapevine, even as Mike set up an appointment for John to see his specialist regarding this new development. Dr. Greenley was able to see Johnny that afternoon, and though he was very nervous about the appointment, John was also filled with hope. He had been hopeful for a while, but it had been a very long three months with not much progress.

The one thing that was bothering Johnny was that so far, Roy's hearing had remained completely unchanged. His specialist was noncommittal about it. He simply kept saying that everyone was different, that the body heals at its own pace. Johnny was very worried about Roy, because he knew that this was not what Roy wanted to hear, and that Roy wanted to push himself to get back into the field and back to work. He alone knew what his partner was going through, because the two of them were the only ones who knew what all of this actually felt like. The one good thing was that Roy had not shut him out of this. They had always been able to talk about everything. In the hospital, they had promised they would always share everything with each other, to help each other heal. And they had both kept that promise.

This was why John had made sure to work extra hard to treat Roy exactly as he always had. He had worked extra hard on the sign language thing, amazing the teachers with how quickly he had picked it up. He drove himself hard to get it exactly right for Roy. He even had a friend who had been deaf all his life come and teach him all the jokes and slang and other signs the teachers would have never taught him. He, in turn, taught some of these to Roy, who was absolutely delighted. He had also picked up quite a few amazing tidbits from Mike and even a few from Beth. He had to admit, he would never look at the couple in quite the same way again! In this way, John and Roy were able to keep up their easy relationship, and Johnny was able to help Roy keep his balance in what had suddenly become a very shaky world indeed. After all, this is what their friendship had always been about.

These were the thoughts running through Johnny's mind as Mike drove him back from his appointment. The news had been pretty good. There was definite progress. He still had a long way to go, but at least there were definite signs of healing. Dr. Greenley had not been happy; however, that Johnny had been resisting practicing with the white cane he had been given. Once more he gently insisted that John needed to get out and learn to maneuver with the cane. He offered to have an assistant from his office help if it was needed, which John flatly turned down. Dr. Greenley sighed deeply, and then suggested having a friend help him. When Johnny questioned this need if his eyes were getting better, the doctor reminded him that they had no way of knowing ultimately how much healing was going to take place. He also mentioned as he had previously that Braille classes might be in order, which John also turned down, much to Dr. Greenley's chagrin. The doctor's final words kept rolling around in Johnny's brain, tempering his happiness at his progress… "It's best, Mr. Gage, to be prepared for any eventuality."

Mike, sensitive to Johnny's mood, kept quiet on the way home, although he was curious as to what Dr. Greenley had found regarding Johnny's progress. He knew that Johnny would not stay quiet for very long, and that if nothing else, Beth would get the news out of him. As was his custom on his day off, he had planned on cooking for his family, so he stopped at the market and picked up what he needed for dinner. He figured his fried chicken dinner would loosen Johnny's tongue, if nothing else did.

As it turned out, he needn't have worried. Beth and the boys were home, and they set up a game of dominos in the family room after dinner. This had been their custom most evenings. Mike had found a somewhat oversized set, so John's sensitive, though callused, fingers had no trouble distinguishing one tile from another. Beth had made a tablecloth of light-weight felt to create a non-slip surface, and they were ready to play! John's mood lifted considerably, and eventually, he did tell them what Dr. Greenley had told him. As he had known they would, his friends assured him they would be there for him all the way, though wisely, no specific offers of help were made that evening.

Sometimes they would have JoAnne and Roy over for drinks and dominoes…those evenings were strictly adults only, and things tended to get totally out of control with the laughter and camaraderie of a group of old friends. As he and Beth were getting ready for bed that night, Mike suggested that this might be a really good idea for his next weekend off…he had a feeling that although Roy had been happy when he learned of Johnny's progress that day, the two partners were going to need some extra time to blow off steam. Beth completely agreed with him, and snuggled into her husband's loving arms.

The next morning, Beth didn't even fuss when Mike's scraggy green t-shirt somehow found itself in the laundry hamper. She just didn't have the heart to toss it into the trash can where it so richly belonged…besides, she knew her husband; he would fish it out, wash it himself, and it would end up back in his drawer…just like a hundred times before since it started falling apart years ago. Fondly Beth tried to remember when their little game had started, and she realized with a start she couldn't honestly remember…but, just after he hired on with the department? Well, she couldn't end it now, could she? She smiled, picked up the "ugly green shirt," and deftly tossed into the laundry trash can. She was completely unaware of the laughing grey eyes watching her from the hallway. Oh, how Mike loved his Beth!

TBC

A/N: * This image came from a scene in Robert Purdham's "My Brother John," a book I read as a kid, and which inspired me to become a writer. It was one that has always made me laugh, and I promised myself even then, that as a tribute to Mr. Purdham's genius, I would someday find a way to include it in one of my stories…over 40 years later, here it is.


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